I feel I must now take a stand on an extraordinary phenomenon that is sweeping social media, a phenomenon that I am calling CEREALRAGE!TM
This is an extraordinary outpouring of negative invective due to the opening of a café selling only cereal just off London’s Brick Lane.
Firstly, whether I think opening a restaurant/bar/café solely to sell students bowls of Krave and yak’s milk is a sound business idea is irrelevant.* The level and frankly often violent nature of the comments being directed in the direction of a couple of wannabe novelty food outlet entrepreneurs is quite startling. I sincerely doubt they would have had any of this trouble were they launching a new dirty burger outlet (possibly unless they served foie gras patties in buns made from ground up baby seal bone-meal, and even then only possibly).
Less controversial food outlets in London include a restaurant that serves food in pitch-black darkness, a place serving Champaign and hot dogs, a Forrest Gump shrimp outlet, a high end kebab outlet, and most horrendously somewhere selling traditional Dutch food.
But for some reason a café poring cereal into bowls for £2.50 a pop** is categorically worse than, I dunno, a Starbucks.
The invective flung at the bearded twins behind The Cereal Killer Café has gone from the mild (hipsters) to the unpleasant (the C word, like a lot), hitting def-con 5 with a carefully timed Channel 4 News hatchet job where a smirking reporter launched into questions about local poverty in the Brick Lane area. Good work Channel 4, make some space on the mantelpiece for that Pulitzer.
Now, I dunno if you have ever visited Brick Lane, but it is indeed situated in one of London’s most deprived boroughs. But so are an infinite variety of overpriced ways which you can choose to dispose of your income from trendy bars, to restaurants, to chain coffee shops, to record stores, nightclubs, markets selling fashion goods, the list is nearly endless. So why pick on these guys? Easy, here’s a barrel, here’s a high calibre weapon, dum-dum ammo, and some fish!
Also on the hipster thing, something about glass houses. Many of the people screaming loudest about this on my various social media feeds run the distinct risk of being classed as hipsters themselves. Basically if you can answer ‘yes’ to any of the following you should be very careful about using the term:
- Do you have a beard?
- Bonus YES if you wax it
- Do you style your hair?
- Bonus YES if you have a number 2-4 back and sides and long on top….
- And you wax it
- Do you own a whippet?
- Do you have any tattoos?
- Do you own a leather jacket?
- Do you turn up your jeans?
Really, if you are FURIOUS about this, I suggest you talk a long walk followed by a nice cup of tea. From the invective one would be forgiven for thinking these guys were dismantling the NHS.
How hard is it not to give a shit about stuff you have no intention of participating in, and which basically does not affect you in any way whatsoever?
*I don’t, can I just make sure you have got that? Okay good.
**NO, I’M NOT GOIING TO PAY THAT EITHER!!!