comment, Movies

What do you call a Sylvester Stallone film if it drops on Amazon but no-one can find it?

There is a new Sylvester Stallone film coming to UK DVD and Blu Ray, it’s an ensemble drama called Reach Me, I know little about it but the synopsis on IMDB describes it thusly:

“A motivational book written by a mysterious man quickly gains popularity, inspiring a group of people that includes a journalist, his editor, a former inmate, a hip-hop mogul, an actor and an undercover cop to re-evaluate their choices and decisions by confronting their fears in hopes of creating more positive lives.”

Got that?

Here is the movie poster…

Reach-me-poster

Subtle, understated, and possibly a little dry, that is what I’m getting from that. Stallone is billed sixteenth by the way, just before Danny Trejo.

The film is going straight to DVD and Blu Ray in the UK, but has undergone not only a title change, but a little bit of an image makeover. Here’s the Blu Ray box art…

Collection stallone

Hmm, I’m getting action, tension, suspense, heat, and possibly a little bit of BO from that now. Stallone is now fourth billed, but in the middle and he looks like he’s blowing shit up. FUCK YEAH!!!

Now, the practice of buying up middle of the road dramas with name actors in bit parts and repackaging them as exciting genre films with the name star suddenly above the title is nothing new. This isn’t even nearly the most egregious example. What caught my attention here, is just how poorly this has been thought through.

Here is my attempt at finding this film on Google…

1. types ‘collection’ into image search…

collection

Hmmm, not what I’m looking for.

2. Types ‘Sylvester Stallone Collection’…

81gf16aOmnL__SL1500_

Close, but no (and where is Oscar in that list? Outrageous).

3. Types ‘Collection Sylvester Stallone’…

[See above]

4. Types ‘Sylvester Stallone ‘Collection’ movie’…

Sylvester%20Stallone%20movie%20posters%209pk%20set2

Getting a bit narked now, but think I should give Rhinestone another watch.

5. Give up on Google (like who would search for anything on Google anyway) tries BING…

Stalone_8_-2

OH FOR GAWD’S SAKE!!!

6. Okay, Bing was a bad idea, try Amazon with ‘Sylvester Stallone ‘Collection’ movie’

  • First hit, see number 2
  • Second hit, crappier version of number 2 with less movies in it
  • Third hit, the Rocky collection
  • Fourth hit was a Jason Statham collection!

7. Okay last try, hit up Amazon one more time with ‘Collection Sylvester Stallone’

Finally sitting under ‘The Sylvester Stallone Collection’ and ‘The Stallone Collection’ was the movie titled Collection.

Now I ask you, is this the worst example of a film title in terms of search engine optimisation ever released?

I look forward to the sequel…

Boxset!

Standard

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