Genre dreck, horror, Movies, scraping the barrel

Scraping the Barrel – Sharktopus

Oh what the hell, I’ve decided to follow my archive review of Wrong Turn 3 with another Declan O’Brien monstrosity and make it a double bill. Enjoy. Continue reading

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horror, Movies, Reviews, scraping the barrel

Scraping the Barrel – Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

Why here? Why now? Why… a review of Wrong Turn 3?

Fair enough question. I was feeling nostalgic and this was the first review I had published in phase 2 of my ‘career’ as a critic (following the Gonzo Fanzine years of the early nineties which I am assured did happen even though I can’t remember them). So thanks to Ian Rattray of London’s FrightFest horror film festival for taking the chance on me all those years ago. 2010 was it? I can’t remember. Anyway, this set the tone for many reviews to come, horrible genre dreck no-one in their right mind would watch on purpose (aka 90% of Netflix). Continue reading

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as edgy as a bowl of granola, faux-sassy, scraping the barrel

Scraping the barrel – Say When / Laggies

Lynn Shelton’s Say When (or in its original US title Laggies) is like Jon Favreau’s Chef a film that possibly winds me up more than most people. Both are immensely irritating examples of what US ‘independent’ cinema seems to have come to, soft, liberal, wish fulfilment stories about America’s middle class that are about as edgy as a bowl of granola.

Anyway, Say When / Laggies seems to be hitting streaming services now, so I have exhumed my revolted review for the late Verite film magazine blog now it is officially offline. Enjoy. Continue reading

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horror, Movies, Reviews, scraping the barrel

Scraping the barrel – The Lodge

Continuing my trawl through the worst dreck I reviewed in the days I’d watch any old crap, I present you here with my piece on horror bilge The Lodge. This originally appeared on the Screenjabber website. Continue reading

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Movies, Music, Reviews, scraping the barrel

Scraping the barrel – Sparkle

What is the blandest thing you can imagine? 2012 musical drama Sparkle is a double helping of that, with a side order of banal. The only really notable thing about it is that it features the final screen performance of Whitney Huston who died three months after the completion of principal photography. Continue reading

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Movies, Reviews, science fiction, scraping the barrel

Scraping the barrel – Her

Honestly, I’m actually trying to be a more positive critic in 2015, but now that my former reviews from the Chris and Phil Presents site (RIP) have disappeared, it was inevitable I would have to republish my outraged review of Spike Jonze’s film Her, a movie which frankly irritated the piss out of me. Here it is, unchanged, unexpurgated, (possibly unhinged?). Bear in mind this was published about a year ago on the eve of the film’s UK release. Continue reading

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british film, horror, Movies, Reviews, scraping the barrel

Scraping the barrel – Love Bite

Imagine a film that aspires to be as good as Lesbian Vampire Killers, and actually fails. That is Love Bite a titanically embarrassing British comedy horror farrago from West is West director Andy De Emmony. Continue reading

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